Surviving your manager’s problems

Published on 18 February 2024 at 21:28

By Tricia Kidd

Sometimes you need a psychological umbrella to protect you from the emotions that come raining down on you from your higher management. You are a bit like a child in the management family and when the upper managers start having issues with each other or even themselves, if you care about them, you can unwittingly absorb their stress.

So, I’m not talking about a scenario when your boss is clearly flawed and your annoyance turns to resentment, turns to anger, turns to divorce. I’m talking about the situation where you care about your manager, you are aligned with what they are trying to achieve, you respect them, and you want success for them and for you. But, and here’s the rub, you are not them, you don’t have their agency to make things right, but what they do or say can have a profound impact on your anxiety levels.

A manager's solo performance

Your boss may be going through a difficult patch, they may be very ambitious, and things aren’t going right. They may be new and finding their feet. There may have been a change in their management, and everyone is having to work out what this means. It takes a while for a new manager to settle in. They need to make their own mark in their first 100 days, and your manager had just got all their ducks lined up, and now they must dance to a new tune. Everyone’s feathers get ruffled, and the ruffle can be infectious.
But you, in your under-under management position, get only a part of the story, a tantalizing glimpse of what’s going on, enough to be concerned but not enough to make any sound judgements.
You are being asked to drop your precious tasks to do something else that is only sketchily described. The communications that were once clear become rushed and confused. Your head starts spinning and your boss has no time to explain. You’re like a child in the doorway of a family argument, desperately wanting it to stop and wondering what you can do, but not understanding a word.

What is the best thing to do?

Be that child! It’s not your problem. It’s happening in their world not yours. Go and tidy your room. Talk to your teddies, line up your soldiers, herd your sheep, polish your cars! The best you can do is regroup in your own job. Start with what you know and what makes sense to you. Get your feet firmly planted on what you know you can do. Take some time out, look at some of your recent tasks that have gone well. File them proudly. Re-read your job description. Anything that centers you. Step back and survey your own small scene and know who you are. Then the next day, step forward again and remember this is not your problem, it is theirs. You can be as helpful as possible, but you can’t solve it. You can only provide what you have now. You can’t work magic and when they calm down, they will appreciate that you were steadfast and willing.

Go Blossom!

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