By Tricia Kidd
Some people can validate who we are. They can confirm that our responses to certain situations are on track. This is how we connect with some people as more than just colleagues. They validate how we feel about situations by sharing the same response as us. In a global business world of increasing diversity, it’s a challenge to work with many different viewpoints and behaviours, it requires more work to communicate ideas and to reach consensus.
The missing jigsaw piece
You can find yourself in a situation where you work well with your colleagues, but you don’t entirely ‘click’ . Then someone comes along and validates you whilst at the same time fitting well with the group. They are like the jigsaw piece that connects you all together. They are so important to you because they validate you, they give you a sense of belonging and a confidence that you can be yourself and that you can operate in this group. They give you somewhere to start. In their presence you find yourself feeling happier, more relaxed and more confident.
The dynamics of a diverse group
Maybe you manage a diverse group and wonder why it's not working, so think about where the connections are and what you need to bridge the gaps! You may be in a diverse group and see big gaps in behaviour and think, what do I need to learn or how do I need to change to bridge those gaps? Some people instinctively get on with everybody, they are carefree and welcoming and are like a glue that brings everyone together. Those people don't tend to have a defining angle or a
strong stance on anything, they're not trying to protect a 'corner' or a viewpoint. Others are staunch upholders of their corner and sing loudly about their domain, their topic, their interest. They are the ones for whom you have to find the link, to connect them to the group, possibly not connect them to everyone, but as long as they feel connected by one or two people, they will feel calmer and have a sense of belonging. Your group needs both kinds of people.
Validators to the 'rescue'
To work well in a large organisation, we have to prepare to have our assumptions about people challenged. We have to prepare to be wrong about people, to have our first impressions upturned and to always look at people afresh. Allowing yourself to change can feel confusing, you can feel at sea. You had life sorted and you knew your boundaries, and now you are faced with someone who is SO different, that in order to work well with them, you have to let go of your old ways and be prepared to move your head to a different place. This is where your validator comes in. They have no problem with you, or the person you are trying to reach. They are equally happy with either of you. Watch and learn from them, and find out how they connect, copy what they do, and soon you'll learn to connect too. Validators are the unsung heroes of group dynamics they are the missing link, the final jigsaw piece, the glue. Look out for your validators, let them help you to connect!
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