Treat yourself with respect

Published on 7 February 2023 at 23:42

By Tricia Kidd

I’m no psychologist but I have noticed that there are moments when I feel more connected to myself, more alert, happier and more creative and conversely there are moments when my mind seems to be in a bit of a fog. In these foggy moments, I feel like I’m not tethered to anything solid and the result of this is that I can’t build something creative, because somehow, I have no platform upon which to build. I don’t know if I have described that disconnected feeling very well. But I have identified when it happens.

What are you recovering from?

If that happens to you, then we’re in it together and let’s look for the solution. For me, this happens when I am ‘recovering’ from an event. I might be recovering from a life event that upset me, I might be recovering from a lot of travelling. I might be readjusting to a relocation. These things all require time for healing or recovery. This time of adjustment may be determined by the intensity or duration of the event: It might have been upsetting, frightening, exhausting, demanding. The time of adjustment may depend upon your age. An older version of yourself might require more time than a younger version of yourself.

Whether you adjust in minutes, hours, days weeks or even months, it is a moment in which you are not performing at the level that you really want to perform. This is your decision point. You have a choice to get frustrated at your foggy self and push harder to get results, getting dismayed by your inability to function well, stressing yourself in the process. Or you can acknowledge the state you are in, be your own ideal manager and tell yourself: ‘I need time to adjust. This adjustment time isn’t going to last for ever, I will feel like myself and perform well at the end of it.

Whichever you opt for, you will hopefully get through the foggy patch. But it’s a bit like when you stop the car and have to get going again. You have to shift up through the gears. The more carefully you treat the car, the longer it will last. Even if your company might not see you as a long-term asset,  you do, and you want to keep yourself in good shape.

Don't let ambition drive you, take some time for yourself

The adjustment period is a bit like sleep. It’s time in which your mind and body need to heal. Your mind needs to commit the event to memory and reassess where you are now and remember what you need to be doing. Your body needs time to detox from the stress chemicals that the event has created. Your sleep needs to become ‘normal’.

Calling it ‘healing’ might sound a bit dramatic in some cases, but for a workaholic, this might elevate the scenario to a position where you take it seriously and start to look after yourself.

Often life doesn’t give you the opportunity to stop. If you can push back some meetings, decline some social events, make space that way. If you don’t have that level of control in your job, be alert to every opportunity to take a mental break. Go outside frequently. If you’re at home, do some guilt-free pottering around the house and garden. Some people find relaxing easy, but if you are relentlessly hardworking or an ambitious high-flyer, relaxing is not something you associate with the working life. But there are times when you have to relax, not because you want to, but because your mind and body need it.

Whatever you do, don’t let your ambition drive you to treating yourself badly, drive yourself with respect. Everyone needs to freewheel sometimes and catch their breath. It’s not forever, it’s just a phase.

Go blossom!

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